路越难走，我越坚强

近朱者赤，近墨者黑
如今我又亲身体验了这8字经的精华

当你被悲观的人重重包围
你难免会感受到人间的残酷

我的同事是个年纪三十余的女人
跟我这初出之犊比起
可说是历经沧桑
而我自己也算是乳臭未干

听了她诸般不如意的遭遇
如何在个人生活上碰着压力
和对社会的种种不满
确实会觉得
是的，现实果然如此的冷酷无情
社会是多么的复杂

在补习中心工作
见得学生多了
面对的家长
有宠爱孩子的
有关心孩子的
有担心孩子的
各种家长都不同
但所处在的环境
不论 经济、教育
都大同小异

听听他们诉苦
不难发觉现在的学生
和家长
都在承受多方面的
程度相当大的压力
虽然政府以规定了五天工作制
但不意味着学生的课业工作受到了削减
也不代表学生拥有了更多的时间
课堂辅助活动
补课、补习
足以把者五天工作制
变成一堆空话

学生的学习进度
更是令人目瞪口呆
当年种三学的生物课文 – cells
如今已经出现在小屋科学课本
nucleus, vacuole, cell membrane
已经不再陌生

然而，最令人心寒的
不是学生学习的知识
而是学生的态度
尊师重道已不是理所当然的
不知是关不严
还是社会风气所趋
当老师一不是一个神圣的职业
至少，对求学的学生来说

对我这个矢志为师的未毕业生
这一阵阵的冷风
一层层的抨击
不是没有震撼力的
怎么说
教育现在那么困难
随着咨询的爆炸
随着社会不把道德视为首个必要
的趋势
十年后的教育界所面对的挑战
必然不比现况少

或许真是初出之犊不怕虎
或许真是乳臭未干
我想反驳我同事这种悲观的看法
却知道自己根本没有具体地经历
去佐证自己的信念
更没有信心
相信自己所相信的原则

她是即将烧完了的蜡炬
我只是还没点火的蜡烛

可能今天
我还能相信
路越难走，我越坚强
等十年后
却成了另一个伤痕累累的战将

不过我还是相信
要在血气方刚的时候
吸收老干部们的人生经验
加上自己的那份活力
散发他们已经不想
也没能力散发的微光

毕竟
每盏灯
周围肯定是黑暗
要不
就不会有这盏灯

乱世总会出英雄
谁都可以成为这些英雄
为何不是我？

看来
教育即将是个荆棘丛生的陷阱

林同事
谢谢你让我认识
社会黑暗的一面
让我好歹有丝毫的心理准备

但愿我有这份恒心
这份耐心
在这地方披荆斩棘

近朱者赤，近墨者黑
如今我又亲身体验了这8字经的精华

当你被悲观的人重重包围
你难免会感受到人间的残酷

我的同事是个年纪三十余的女人
跟我这初出之犊比起
可说是历经沧桑
而我自己也算是乳臭未干

听了她诸般不如意的遭遇
如何在个人生活上碰着压力
和对社会的种种不满
确实会觉得
是的，现实果然如此的冷酷无情
社会是多么的复杂

在补习中心工作
见得学生多了
面对的家长
有宠爱孩子的
有关心孩子的
有担心孩子的
各种家长都不同
但所处在的环境
不论 经济、教育
都大同小异

听听他们诉苦
不难发觉现在的学生
和家长
都在承受多方面的
程度相当大的压力
虽然政府以规定了五天工作制
但不意味着学生的课业工作受到了削减
也不代表学生拥有了更多的时间
课堂辅助活动
补课、补习
足以把者五天工作制
变成一堆空话

学生的学习进度
更是令人目瞪口呆
当年种三学的生物课文 – cells
如今已经出现在小屋科学课本
nucleus, vacuole, cell membrane
已经不再陌生

然而，最令人心寒的
不是学生学习的知识
而是学生的态度
尊师重道已不是理所当然的
不知是关不严
还是社会风气所趋
当老师一不是一个神圣的职业
至少，对求学的学生来说

对我这个矢志为师的未毕业生
这一阵阵的冷风
一层层的抨击
不是没有震撼力的
怎么说
教育现在那么困难
随着咨询的爆炸
随着社会不把道德视为首个必要
的趋势
十年后的教育界所面对的挑战
必然不比现况少

或许真是初出之犊不怕虎
或许真是乳臭未干
我想反驳我同事这种悲观的看法
却知道自己根本没有具体地经历
去佐证自己的信念
更没有信心
相信自己所相信的原则

她是即将烧完了的蜡炬
我只是还没点火的蜡烛

可能今天
我还能相信
路越难走，我越坚强
等十年后
却成了另一个伤痕累累的战将

不过我还是相信
要在血气方刚的时候
吸收老干部们的人生经验
加上自己的那份活力
散发他们已经不想
也没能力散发的微光

毕竟
每盏灯
周围肯定是黑暗
要不
就不会有这盏灯

乱世总会出英雄
谁都可以成为这些英雄
为何不是我？

看来
教育即将是个荆棘丛生的陷阱

林同事
谢谢你让我认识
社会黑暗的一面
让我好歹有丝毫的心理准备

但愿我有这份恒心
这份耐心
在这地方披荆斩棘

来到了母校，
看着她雄伟壮观的规模，
总是感慨良多。


。。。。。。。。。。。。。

《返华中》
又赴旧华岗，绿毯钟楼望。
学人渐鬓霜，书楼依梁壮。
唯恨昔日窗，已成今朝墙。
他日好时光，随风飘茫茫。

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

又前往华中山散散心，
站在永远那么柔软的青草地，
望着眼前的钟楼。

虽然古老，但她依旧魁梧地矗立，
屋梁、柱子还是像以前一样的坚固。
反而是曾在此就读的莘莘学子，
随着时间的折磨，都白发苍苍了。

钟楼依然如故，
只是当时常常用以偷窥外界事物的窗口，
如今却被改成一幢墙。

里头的小瓜望不出来，
外头的老汉也看不进去，
被一个无情的墙壁，
分隔两地。

以前这里曾是我们的天堂，
钟楼里的人、所发生的事、所有的东西，
都是了如指掌的。

但现在，却变得那么陌生，那么遥远。

就仿佛曾与你同舟共济的同窗，
经过时间的冲淡，
彼此之间的内心，
已经失去了那扇窗，
那扇让你我进入的窗户，
反之，
被一幢无形的墙给蒙蔽了。

我不怪他们，
也不怪自己，
反正任何一段友谊，
都会面临这种遭遇

一同流泪、一同欢唱、
一同挨过的日子，
那段曾经发生的回忆，
只能随着迎面的清风，
飘至九霄云外。

story time....


once upon a time
in the southern province of china

there lived a man
a wood chopper
let's call him Gongkia
one day
of all things
he lost his axe

so there goes his life

living in the woods
he only had a neighbour
one not far away from him
so who else can be held suspect right?

so he believed
"must be him"

so it became his religion
to tell himself "it must be him"
every time Gongkia saw him

when his suspect went chopping in the woods
Gongkia recognised the axe in his arms
when his suspect hung his clothes
it was part of his plan to steal yet more things from his neighbour
his smile
is more than just sinister

everything his neighbour did
seemed like the evidence of his theft to Mr woods

then one day
under gongkia bed
he found his beloved axe
and then he realised how mean he was
how he had blamed his neighbour wrongly

he stood by his window and peered
his neighbour was hanging his clothes
this time, he seemed so kind and diligent
this time, he wasn't a suspect anymore
his smile
is now such a gentle smile


sometimes
he is wad he seems
she is wad she looks
cos they are wad we perceive them to be

sometimes
u gotta convince urself
that u don't have enough info
not enough background knowledge
to judge a person
or even comment on his personality

so cool it
ur enemy may not be as evil as u think

office politics....


it's when personal interests conflict
it's when one minute cell of the body share a different, opposing view from the rest of the body, or another cell of people
it's when rationale and emotions get a bit of mixed up
it's when subjectivity dominate, and objectivity is squeeeeeezed into a corner

these packets of disturbed souls spread like cancer cells
it'll only get larger, never smaller
and more disruptive by the day

somehow, those more sensitive
more paranoid
tends to get suspicious of others
and this is how the politics originate

and females tend to be the source of it
i'm not trying to over generalise
or trying to be MCP
but the fact that more girls are sensitive
more insecure
hence more cautious,
and to some extent, easily suspicious
makes them prone to creating or joining a cosy circle
where they share the same opinions and feelings
build on them
and isolate themselves from the rest

funny how this word "politics"
is easily associated with men
but really, actually
office politics comes from women
at least from wad i think

but of cos
there are sensitive
and insecure guys too

.....

this is the 2nd time i experience
how pen can be mightier than a sword
how words can tear the soul without penetrating the skin

and the worst is
all the information gathering for this "info sharing" sessions
are done during the normal activities in the workplace
the judge is around u all the time
just like a pin hole camera

and it hurts to c the colleagues u c as "big sister" or "big brother" engaged in them

.....

u can't be too vocal
u'll be outstanding
too outstanding to be treated with trust

u can't put in the best
u'll be noticed
noticed by the upper as competent
noticed by the rest as trying-to-get-something

its hard
especially for such a "people" person like me
not to be bothered by such phenomenon
which involves relationships

cos wad others c as relations
is to me actually sincere relationships

maybe i have to start changing the way i treat pple
in the workplace
not too warm
not too soon
everything diam diam

....

they're used to not treating the newbees as somebody
esp those of a diff generation

i guess that's just the norm
after years of work
and watching fresh, energetic, promising kids joining their environment
but it must be funny

.....

no more fren fren
every men for themselves
or at least
for their own pple

something something similar to wad i've been thru years before
but much worse
much more uncontrollable
much more conplicated
and everlasting

....

shall look forward to chatting with my true frens soon
while they remain as TRUE frens

yaWn!!!

last time when u get home
at least u go frens online to keng gai
got frens to msg and wait for reply cos u noe they're home

now when u get home
u noe ur frens are busy with their lives

no more groups of pple who will share the same complaints
no more groups of pple who understands totally wad u feel
no more groups of pple whom u can bump into and tok some crap

no more cosy corners
for us to turn away everytime we walk near
no more cute cute food
for us to sit and tok n laugh

really man
jc is the last time u get to have groups of pple
groups of frens

after that
is alone, aloneness, loneliness, lonesome, singular, one, yi ge, 9-8, 1x1

re4 nao4 isn't something u can find anymore
if not ji4 mo4
at least u'll feel gu1 du2

this is really another transition of my life
from community living
to independence
though i noe community living will be back in another 80+ days time

but yah this emotional experience
is never before
something of isolation
and of longing for some fren just to sit down and tok to u
seriously,
just sit down
and tok

i think i'd never appreciate such sit-down-and-tok before
though u noe it'll come
but still
it feels suxy

meanwhile,
i'll just keep waiting
n make new frens in work

6 jan
1st batch of frends shave

7 jan
2nd batch of buddies went in

8 jan
last batch of frend who's supposed to, wore their green uniform


so i tot boredom and sianess and everything else will set in
while i'm left alone to work, to travel, to live

but not actually
not when i went to my job
not when i got to know ten
when i got to know yvonne
and when i got to know wai yin works there too

haha
new 30-something frens who really know wad is work
and wad is relax at the same time
and most imptly
tok cok like nobody's business
heng heng
i don't really have to worry abt dreadful life
in the following 3mths

i'm just lucky to have fun loving people all around
--------------------------------------------------------------------


all the best guys!
we'll meet soon