Monday, September 29, 2003
aha! found a reason to pon sch... goin to take a good rest todaY
...................................................................
Wedding Part II
sis wedding ended with lesson for me to learn.... lots n lots of them....
now i realise wedding banquet is nothing but an announcement to ur kins n frens tt u're getting married... nothing really special if u follow the norm.... hmm next time my wedding must make something real nice real special..... tt's provided i can earn lots of $$.... and got pple to marry lah.....
looking at the rowdy n make-atmosphere frens of brother-in-law.... really wonder whehter i'll c the same thing next time.... looking at them i ask myself "will i still keep in touch with the brothers i have now?? all the good old frens... will we still communicate such tt we'll still attend one another's wedding dinner?" u noe it really feels good to c frens who have been thru with u in some parts of ur life attend ur most happy moment of life, behaving the same way as everyone did years ago... like kids!! sabo-ing one another lah, saying super "not" �� things... haha.... when memories get distant emotions get stronger... i hope i can open lots of table for all these pple next time i get married
n then u look at the young wedded couples u start thinking "what is a relationship to me / will my future relationship last till we get married?" we teens tend to think it as something sweet something nice.. but guess it's much more than that.... u c them mingling with each others frens, being part of each others' life already... then i remembered things my sis told me abt her n brother-in-law... it's really a commitment more than anything else i guess... so seriously pick wisely before u start one... it's gonna be a life long investment.... unless u decide it not to be
i hate to Ӧ��... u noe it really sux to have to smile n tok to ur direct or distant relatives who are in fact both distant psychologically.... one aunt of mine (dunno wad kind of aunt, she's my somebody's cousin or something...
����Ķ�) start telling me abt using tea leaves to wash my pimpled face.... ok lah out of concern but thanx lah... i abit repulsive of all this funny funny methods... then all the aunt start asking u abt ur life all this... if only i have a recorder... ok at least they are concerned so must at least show some appreciation... tt's the problem and yet virtue if us chinese... have to be polite to our ����... it's a virtue but u really feel like a Ѧ����... on top of that, u have relatives who r not concerned-faced but instead, give u those kind of bui song face... wah dunno wad they thinking also... they are those who will �䳡 if u sit with them alone... won't start a conversation unless u start... even if u start he or she will probably end it the next few seconds... haha so ok conclusion: its better to have a busy body relative sometimes... just learn how to react can liao... must remember adults love Ѧ����... good thing got lots of kids on the maternal side... then can pinch all their faces n mess up their hair... at least the dinner is not so tensed up after all
a glass of champagne set me giddy n my stomach burning... conclusion: no -OH groups for me next time
the wedding pulled my whole family closer together, cos we work together n we toked... next time u pple family got wedding get active, get involved, it's very healthy for the family... n then my 3rd sis bf happiest lah, cos he get to get involved with the family also... haha at last he toks like he never tok to us before...then got higher chances of my parents accepting him... haha... guys next time gf got wedding in the family must take chance noe! tt's if it's not ur gf wedding lah....
sis goin for �������� tmr... then next time will gu2 gu4 jit3 bai4 c her already... hope she will be emotionally strong in this transistion... nope must have faith in her.... SHE WILL
...................................................................
Wedding Part II
sis wedding ended with lesson for me to learn.... lots n lots of them....
now i realise wedding banquet is nothing but an announcement to ur kins n frens tt u're getting married... nothing really special if u follow the norm.... hmm next time my wedding must make something real nice real special..... tt's provided i can earn lots of $$.... and got pple to marry lah.....
looking at the rowdy n make-atmosphere frens of brother-in-law.... really wonder whehter i'll c the same thing next time.... looking at them i ask myself "will i still keep in touch with the brothers i have now?? all the good old frens... will we still communicate such tt we'll still attend one another's wedding dinner?" u noe it really feels good to c frens who have been thru with u in some parts of ur life attend ur most happy moment of life, behaving the same way as everyone did years ago... like kids!! sabo-ing one another lah, saying super "not" �� things... haha.... when memories get distant emotions get stronger... i hope i can open lots of table for all these pple next time i get married
n then u look at the young wedded couples u start thinking "what is a relationship to me / will my future relationship last till we get married?" we teens tend to think it as something sweet something nice.. but guess it's much more than that.... u c them mingling with each others frens, being part of each others' life already... then i remembered things my sis told me abt her n brother-in-law... it's really a commitment more than anything else i guess... so seriously pick wisely before u start one... it's gonna be a life long investment.... unless u decide it not to be
i hate to Ӧ��... u noe it really sux to have to smile n tok to ur direct or distant relatives who are in fact both distant psychologically.... one aunt of mine (dunno wad kind of aunt, she's my somebody's cousin or something...
����Ķ�) start telling me abt using tea leaves to wash my pimpled face.... ok lah out of concern but thanx lah... i abit repulsive of all this funny funny methods... then all the aunt start asking u abt ur life all this... if only i have a recorder... ok at least they are concerned so must at least show some appreciation... tt's the problem and yet virtue if us chinese... have to be polite to our ����... it's a virtue but u really feel like a Ѧ����... on top of that, u have relatives who r not concerned-faced but instead, give u those kind of bui song face... wah dunno wad they thinking also... they are those who will �䳡 if u sit with them alone... won't start a conversation unless u start... even if u start he or she will probably end it the next few seconds... haha so ok conclusion: its better to have a busy body relative sometimes... just learn how to react can liao... must remember adults love Ѧ����... good thing got lots of kids on the maternal side... then can pinch all their faces n mess up their hair... at least the dinner is not so tensed up after all
a glass of champagne set me giddy n my stomach burning... conclusion: no -OH groups for me next time
the wedding pulled my whole family closer together, cos we work together n we toked... next time u pple family got wedding get active, get involved, it's very healthy for the family... n then my 3rd sis bf happiest lah, cos he get to get involved with the family also... haha at last he toks like he never tok to us before...then got higher chances of my parents accepting him... haha... guys next time gf got wedding in the family must take chance noe! tt's if it's not ur gf wedding lah....
sis goin for �������� tmr... then next time will gu2 gu4 jit3 bai4 c her already... hope she will be emotionally strong in this transistion... nope must have faith in her.... SHE WILL
Saturday, September 27, 2003
aha.... the optimistic and hyper soul has returned to my body after a long day of excitement n reading some lively blogs
..................................................................................................
Wedding Part I
today is just another day for a hc student... mug and stare at books n curse at pw.... but its my sis wedding ceremony
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..... everything was ok... went to open the door n of cos get some ang bao (wooohooo one of the rare opportunities to get angbaos on non-CNY)... ah then stand around c the groom kenna tekan....
1st lesson learnt: before marriage, guys please go n learn more languages of "i love you", preferably 10 different ones.. here are some languages for you (according to pronunciation, not accurate spelling)
english: i love you
chinese: wo ai ni
hokkien: wa ai le
japanese: watashiwa aishiteru
behasa melayu: saya suka awak (waiting to be corrected)
french: jet tame
cantonese: ngo ai lei
korean: sarang he
hm... not very helpful but very intriguing... must add to the collection... then can mesmorise ur girl....muahahaha
then groom wears shoe for bride... like cinderella except this time no step mother or pumpkin coach.... hmm get to c my sis at her prettiest.... woohooo but most stressed also lah
then later hafta move out of house for solemnisation.... before they exit mum told brother-in-law
"�ҵ�Ů��ͽ�������"
i teared at the scene lor... hai... mum must be getting rather emotional... her 1st daughter with wings hard enough to fly alone liao... closest sis to her somemore...
she doesnt show
but deep inside i noe....
solemnisation was rather solemn indeed... sign sign sign... father sign father in law sign pastor sign she sign he sign... the place should be named "Signature Park"... got to exercise my phototaking skills although wasn't of much use.... the roses were fragrant but the side flowers were erm.... chao4 chao3... sickening small flowers... spoilt the whole bouquet... but its pink!! reminds me of...
lunch back home with everyone in the house.... hm not bad gotta know brother-in-law's fren by the name of mansaw... haha he interested in theatre production so we had something to tok abt... he's even interested to go watch huang cheng... 24 and he's a police, who simply laughs at alot of things just like Justin Leow Yuan Qin... so a crappy cop fren i make today... wah best still got his hp.... haha got can find him for lobang liao... interesting.... then also engaged in a conversation with driver who's 35... interior designer... intriguing... it's amazing to noe pple of different age group... u'll realise u're living in a world of ur own n there's much for u to learn outside.... my 1st 2 older frens i've got
next is the ceremony.... i passed them the rings (rather care-leh-fair) and they said the most short n sweet n important promise in life
"I do"
there goes my sis and here comes my brother-in-law... there goes my sis belongings n here comes more space in my room... including an extra bed to sleep on!! crap... i still prefer a older sis below my bed but well things hafta change so wish her all the best in buidling her own family... yah must have faith in her...
she read out a message to my parents, thanking them n stuff lidat... specially written one... i teared again (aaargh emotional idiot)... esp when i saw her eyes started getting gleaming n my mum's eyes getting red n my dad clapping quickly after she ended her speech to push her spirit up... all gifted actors.... haha tt's just mars vs venus actually.. 2 different ways of expressions..
aha get to import my heart-shaped pillows home at last... since the couple are having intimate time staying in hotel tonite... hmm i think i'm transforming into a girl... doin thing like making presents n tearing at least significant things... oh man must check wat lies beneath my pants... ok safe... hehe
tmr is the dinner... n i hate ties.... make u look cool on the outside, feel hot in the in side.. wonder which idiot thot of tying themselves up lidat n made the whole world follow after him.... must be simon cos he says... ok crap
.........................................................................
marriage is fun... it's really a time u work together 1st time with ur future spouse on a big project, then u get to know better how each other work... and then seeing ur frens from all walks of life at ur happiest moment in life, getting to know ur future spouse's friends... telling ur mother n father "mum, dad, thank you. trust me" ....and of cos seeing her at her best look... picturing my future wife with the bridal gown.... *drowl*.... let's play who wants to be kian wee's future wife
...
..................................................................................................
Wedding Part I
today is just another day for a hc student... mug and stare at books n curse at pw.... but its my sis wedding ceremony
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..... everything was ok... went to open the door n of cos get some ang bao (wooohooo one of the rare opportunities to get angbaos on non-CNY)... ah then stand around c the groom kenna tekan....
1st lesson learnt: before marriage, guys please go n learn more languages of "i love you", preferably 10 different ones.. here are some languages for you (according to pronunciation, not accurate spelling)
english: i love you
chinese: wo ai ni
hokkien: wa ai le
japanese: watashiwa aishiteru
behasa melayu: saya suka awak (waiting to be corrected)
french: jet tame
cantonese: ngo ai lei
korean: sarang he
hm... not very helpful but very intriguing... must add to the collection... then can mesmorise ur girl....muahahaha
then groom wears shoe for bride... like cinderella except this time no step mother or pumpkin coach.... hmm get to c my sis at her prettiest.... woohooo but most stressed also lah
then later hafta move out of house for solemnisation.... before they exit mum told brother-in-law
"�ҵ�Ů��ͽ�������"
i teared at the scene lor... hai... mum must be getting rather emotional... her 1st daughter with wings hard enough to fly alone liao... closest sis to her somemore...
she doesnt show
but deep inside i noe....
solemnisation was rather solemn indeed... sign sign sign... father sign father in law sign pastor sign she sign he sign... the place should be named "Signature Park"... got to exercise my phototaking skills although wasn't of much use.... the roses were fragrant but the side flowers were erm.... chao4 chao3... sickening small flowers... spoilt the whole bouquet... but its pink!! reminds me of...
lunch back home with everyone in the house.... hm not bad gotta know brother-in-law's fren by the name of mansaw... haha he interested in theatre production so we had something to tok abt... he's even interested to go watch huang cheng... 24 and he's a police, who simply laughs at alot of things just like Justin Leow Yuan Qin... so a crappy cop fren i make today... wah best still got his hp.... haha got can find him for lobang liao... interesting.... then also engaged in a conversation with driver who's 35... interior designer... intriguing... it's amazing to noe pple of different age group... u'll realise u're living in a world of ur own n there's much for u to learn outside.... my 1st 2 older frens i've got
next is the ceremony.... i passed them the rings (rather care-leh-fair) and they said the most short n sweet n important promise in life
"I do"
there goes my sis and here comes my brother-in-law... there goes my sis belongings n here comes more space in my room... including an extra bed to sleep on!! crap... i still prefer a older sis below my bed but well things hafta change so wish her all the best in buidling her own family... yah must have faith in her...
she read out a message to my parents, thanking them n stuff lidat... specially written one... i teared again (aaargh emotional idiot)... esp when i saw her eyes started getting gleaming n my mum's eyes getting red n my dad clapping quickly after she ended her speech to push her spirit up... all gifted actors.... haha tt's just mars vs venus actually.. 2 different ways of expressions..
aha get to import my heart-shaped pillows home at last... since the couple are having intimate time staying in hotel tonite... hmm i think i'm transforming into a girl... doin thing like making presents n tearing at least significant things... oh man must check wat lies beneath my pants... ok safe... hehe
tmr is the dinner... n i hate ties.... make u look cool on the outside, feel hot in the in side.. wonder which idiot thot of tying themselves up lidat n made the whole world follow after him.... must be simon cos he says... ok crap
.........................................................................
marriage is fun... it's really a time u work together 1st time with ur future spouse on a big project, then u get to know better how each other work... and then seeing ur frens from all walks of life at ur happiest moment in life, getting to know ur future spouse's friends... telling ur mother n father "mum, dad, thank you. trust me" ....and of cos seeing her at her best look... picturing my future wife with the bridal gown.... *drowl*.... let's play who wants to be kian wee's future wife
...
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
life in a mess,
thoughts in distortion.......
emotions full of turbulance.
learning to cope
learning to be optimistic
learning to believe
...yeap
thoughts in distortion.......
emotions full of turbulance.
learning to cope
learning to be optimistic
learning to believe
...yeap
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
if tears can bring my sorrows away
why is it a shame
if words can warm a heart
why is it so hard to let it out
if a touch can mean a million words
why is do we have to keep a distance
why is it a shame
if words can warm a heart
why is it so hard to let it out
if a touch can mean a million words
why is do we have to keep a distance
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
oh no!! it's 3 days after MAF n i haven post a blog abt it at all....
ZWXH
hey manz hope the maf was a good one for zwxh.... i knew u all r ok with it but i noe i could have done better... never mind abt tt it's just a lesson to learn for me...
thanx kan for ur concern n encouragement plus carrying down the SHE BANGS down with dancy...wah after shaking n dancing all stress gone... thanx ammily for carrying those pink little baskets around n bringing sweetness to the air... n also the little msg u left in my tagboard... little msg means a million yeah? thanx wei shan for the coins... mr liao will love u forever... thanx dancy for the "talk to me, tell me your name"... thanx pthe art work n the niaoism... thanx zihui for helping in the deng mi... n also regurgitating the essence of my dong4 jie2 lessons... thanx cheryl for bothering to come n take a look... after ur liondance...
Zhong Zhong Chou
How could i live without you... i want to know
thanx u pple with from the bottom of my heart... thanx for spending the effort to do all the preparations together.. thanx for keeping all the frustrations n disappointments at times so tt things could go along well.... thanx for all the fun n joy u all bring to this part of my life.... how better can jc life get? looking forward to working with all u pple out there.... n so that i can dong4 jie2 all of u n also practice my niao3 skills.... zhen1 de bu4 niao3 lor...
thanx yu zhe for gu3 zhe2 still come help... thanx lu jing for helping out amidst all ur other commitments... always got things to do one! thanx jingjun n huiqing (twinz so must thanx together) for being so on n every so ready to help out... thanx oil for being so nice to tok with n so zi4 niao3... thanx kenrick kenrick for being so tolerent with all the frustrations n taking charge of the well n of cos for letting us stay in ur house...
n also those who came to help out!!!! can't name the rest out one by one liao too long a list.... hmmm but yes all of u all deserve a big hug n a kiss from me
*muackz*
wet n juicy... enjoy!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Part E
ah! for those who come n tok cok or even cared to just say hi... thanx ah... n above all thanx for BUYING things from me leh.... buy so much tt dun have time to count money leh..... wad r good frens for rite??? haha no lah saw u all come already very ho2 seh3 liao4.... hmm real sorry cos din have time to entertain u all lor.... though i really very entertaining lah... buthan yah lah... ah thanx kerm for journey to the west ah... n ky for being my 1st customer along with ur hehe.. haha
shit everyone getting bigger n darker n i'm getting the opposite.... die liao die liao jio za bo problem liao... save me guys!!!
ZWXH
hey manz hope the maf was a good one for zwxh.... i knew u all r ok with it but i noe i could have done better... never mind abt tt it's just a lesson to learn for me...
thanx kan for ur concern n encouragement plus carrying down the SHE BANGS down with dancy...wah after shaking n dancing all stress gone... thanx ammily for carrying those pink little baskets around n bringing sweetness to the air... n also the little msg u left in my tagboard... little msg means a million yeah? thanx wei shan for the coins... mr liao will love u forever... thanx dancy for the "talk to me, tell me your name"... thanx pthe art work n the niaoism... thanx zihui for helping in the deng mi... n also regurgitating the essence of my dong4 jie2 lessons... thanx cheryl for bothering to come n take a look... after ur liondance...
Zhong Zhong Chou
How could i live without you... i want to know
thanx u pple with from the bottom of my heart... thanx for spending the effort to do all the preparations together.. thanx for keeping all the frustrations n disappointments at times so tt things could go along well.... thanx for all the fun n joy u all bring to this part of my life.... how better can jc life get? looking forward to working with all u pple out there.... n so that i can dong4 jie2 all of u n also practice my niao3 skills.... zhen1 de bu4 niao3 lor...
thanx yu zhe for gu3 zhe2 still come help... thanx lu jing for helping out amidst all ur other commitments... always got things to do one! thanx jingjun n huiqing (twinz so must thanx together) for being so on n every so ready to help out... thanx oil for being so nice to tok with n so zi4 niao3... thanx kenrick kenrick for being so tolerent with all the frustrations n taking charge of the well n of cos for letting us stay in ur house...
n also those who came to help out!!!! can't name the rest out one by one liao too long a list.... hmmm but yes all of u all deserve a big hug n a kiss from me
*muackz*
wet n juicy... enjoy!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Part E
ah! for those who come n tok cok or even cared to just say hi... thanx ah... n above all thanx for BUYING things from me leh.... buy so much tt dun have time to count money leh..... wad r good frens for rite??? haha no lah saw u all come already very ho2 seh3 liao4.... hmm real sorry cos din have time to entertain u all lor.... though i really very entertaining lah... buthan yah lah... ah thanx kerm for journey to the west ah... n ky for being my 1st customer along with ur hehe.. haha
shit everyone getting bigger n darker n i'm getting the opposite.... die liao die liao jio za bo problem liao... save me guys!!!
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
thanx guys... feel much today
the weather is good today... those kind cloudy but not going to rain n the wind is cool....yeap n esplanade is a great place to stroll when times r down... the wind caress ur soul the view pacify ur heart.... next time partor can go there!
maybe it's a blessing in disguise my 1 year older mei mei cannot make it to help me choose present for sis.... shang4 tian1 gave me this chance to tok to my own soul n sort things out... when the mind is clear u get to c things more clearly n become more optimistic...
gonna get a pair of pillows for my sis... heart shaped with wings... 17 years n i haven shown her enough appreciation... i ought to give her something on this most important event of her adulthood... it's always when u lose it tt u wanna treasure it u c... i'm doin this secretly... lucky 3 sis dun visit blogs as in they dunno wad the hell it is also.... will store the 2 cute little hearts in steph's house then on tt day must stealthily go collect... wah mission impossible lor... wedding day brother disappear really not obvious... but wth tt's tt... 3rd sis is secretly sewing her something too... everytime someone in the process of unlocking the door she'll fly into the room with the sewing kit n i have to open the door for big sis to distract attention... secret sialz... actor in practice
the weather is good today... those kind cloudy but not going to rain n the wind is cool....yeap n esplanade is a great place to stroll when times r down... the wind caress ur soul the view pacify ur heart.... next time partor can go there!
maybe it's a blessing in disguise my 1 year older mei mei cannot make it to help me choose present for sis.... shang4 tian1 gave me this chance to tok to my own soul n sort things out... when the mind is clear u get to c things more clearly n become more optimistic...
gonna get a pair of pillows for my sis... heart shaped with wings... 17 years n i haven shown her enough appreciation... i ought to give her something on this most important event of her adulthood... it's always when u lose it tt u wanna treasure it u c... i'm doin this secretly... lucky 3 sis dun visit blogs as in they dunno wad the hell it is also.... will store the 2 cute little hearts in steph's house then on tt day must stealthily go collect... wah mission impossible lor... wedding day brother disappear really not obvious... but wth tt's tt... 3rd sis is secretly sewing her something too... everytime someone in the process of unlocking the door she'll fly into the room with the sewing kit n i have to open the door for big sis to distract attention... secret sialz... actor in practice
Monday, September 08, 2003
9.41pm it's raining outside
today is really not my day... went to sch with loads of things in my mind. PW, maf, sis wedding, promos. really duno wad to do when life gets so piled up...... so many things i have to do n want to do.
PW **** to the core i dun wanna mention abt it.... y is it here to hinder our life?
Maf... i'm love preparing for it... but i'm really afraid things dun turn out well.. i'm really rather afraid inside... but i can't show it cos the rest of the team needs me to be at least confident... i hate to be wat i'm not but wad the hell i can't... i noe it's ok if i done my best... but worries just comes lidat n i dun like it... i really can't control feeling afraid
sis's getting married... she's getting real emotional of late... but i'm so busy i din bother to show her some support in a way or another... wad kind of brother is this.... she's busy with her invitation card... mum n dad too... n now the ever petty mum gets worked up over the most trival matters on earth n starts arguing wth dad who's another obstinate bull.... will they ever stop it? they r such lovely mum n dad but can they just be nicer to each other? n then when they start quarrelling my 2nd sis starts getting pissed of n say some words which doesn't serve to do anything but make the atmosphere even more fed up..... y can't she just shut her mouth up at such times and stop showing her bad temper inherited from mum? n she'll just pull tt shit long face n start toking to anybody like the whole house must listen to her... it's frustrating lor.... n the 1st thing she did when i got home was to start blaming me for paying such a high price for the god damn wood soulder when it's a misunderstanding... she tot i paid $24 when i paid $16.... such things she can also get pissed over n start spoiling my day even more.... she noes i dun like to argue with pple yet she wants to start speaking in such a unnecessary demanding tone.... it's dumb n the next moment i tell her "pls dun make a big hoohaa" she'll start to be defensive... endless.... she mood swing i mood swing... c who win lor
even if the hill is green
n the volcano roars no more
dun u build ur houses on top
dun think the magma doesn't roll down inside
it just doesn't wanna splurt out
cos it doesn't wanna destroy the village
come a day the hill collapse
then dun regret things r too late
9.57pm it's pouring
i hate it when life gets so complicated... the more u noe the more u have to take care of everything... the more u're aware the more u have to consider... so bothersome.. it's hardly u can say yes immediately to wat u want.... this is life but it's rather killing....
denzyl is getting depressed... yet i myself can't offer a comforting hand to a friend who needs me.... i'm lost for words.. i really dunno how much i owe him... for treating me as his brother as a friend.. yet i've done little to help him at times... really dunno i i can help him too..
promos... its supposed to test ur knowledge... or rather test ur time management... it's helpful by rite n stress adding by left... it's necessary n inevitable yet it just scares the shit out of everyone... n wad is it? it's just a lifeless event... it doesnt even have feelilngs for us to care abt yet we care abt it the most
think n think... tt's all i can do... useless creature.... too sensitive for a guy, too emotional for a man, too indecisive for a male... feel so weakling....
the worst is i noe i'm getting pessimistic, i din choose to, n i can't control myself.... this is getting disgusting.... i din choose to hide it i din choose to isolate myself i din choose to let thots linger in my mind.... but they chose me...
wad's life to me? wad i want in life? i can't answer it... yet i'm doing everything... doing things i dun wanna do... dunno things i dunno wad the hell for
there's just a million things trapped inside i hafta let it out... it doesn't help... i guess i need time... need peace for once... needs rest... which i dun seem to have any.... i'll just keep them inside like wad i did....
10.13pm the rain stops, but the wind howls on
today is really not my day... went to sch with loads of things in my mind. PW, maf, sis wedding, promos. really duno wad to do when life gets so piled up...... so many things i have to do n want to do.
PW **** to the core i dun wanna mention abt it.... y is it here to hinder our life?
Maf... i'm love preparing for it... but i'm really afraid things dun turn out well.. i'm really rather afraid inside... but i can't show it cos the rest of the team needs me to be at least confident... i hate to be wat i'm not but wad the hell i can't... i noe it's ok if i done my best... but worries just comes lidat n i dun like it... i really can't control feeling afraid
sis's getting married... she's getting real emotional of late... but i'm so busy i din bother to show her some support in a way or another... wad kind of brother is this.... she's busy with her invitation card... mum n dad too... n now the ever petty mum gets worked up over the most trival matters on earth n starts arguing wth dad who's another obstinate bull.... will they ever stop it? they r such lovely mum n dad but can they just be nicer to each other? n then when they start quarrelling my 2nd sis starts getting pissed of n say some words which doesn't serve to do anything but make the atmosphere even more fed up..... y can't she just shut her mouth up at such times and stop showing her bad temper inherited from mum? n she'll just pull tt shit long face n start toking to anybody like the whole house must listen to her... it's frustrating lor.... n the 1st thing she did when i got home was to start blaming me for paying such a high price for the god damn wood soulder when it's a misunderstanding... she tot i paid $24 when i paid $16.... such things she can also get pissed over n start spoiling my day even more.... she noes i dun like to argue with pple yet she wants to start speaking in such a unnecessary demanding tone.... it's dumb n the next moment i tell her "pls dun make a big hoohaa" she'll start to be defensive... endless.... she mood swing i mood swing... c who win lor
even if the hill is green
n the volcano roars no more
dun u build ur houses on top
dun think the magma doesn't roll down inside
it just doesn't wanna splurt out
cos it doesn't wanna destroy the village
come a day the hill collapse
then dun regret things r too late
9.57pm it's pouring
i hate it when life gets so complicated... the more u noe the more u have to take care of everything... the more u're aware the more u have to consider... so bothersome.. it's hardly u can say yes immediately to wat u want.... this is life but it's rather killing....
denzyl is getting depressed... yet i myself can't offer a comforting hand to a friend who needs me.... i'm lost for words.. i really dunno how much i owe him... for treating me as his brother as a friend.. yet i've done little to help him at times... really dunno i i can help him too..
promos... its supposed to test ur knowledge... or rather test ur time management... it's helpful by rite n stress adding by left... it's necessary n inevitable yet it just scares the shit out of everyone... n wad is it? it's just a lifeless event... it doesnt even have feelilngs for us to care abt yet we care abt it the most
think n think... tt's all i can do... useless creature.... too sensitive for a guy, too emotional for a man, too indecisive for a male... feel so weakling....
the worst is i noe i'm getting pessimistic, i din choose to, n i can't control myself.... this is getting disgusting.... i din choose to hide it i din choose to isolate myself i din choose to let thots linger in my mind.... but they chose me...
wad's life to me? wad i want in life? i can't answer it... yet i'm doing everything... doing things i dun wanna do... dunno things i dunno wad the hell for
there's just a million things trapped inside i hafta let it out... it doesn't help... i guess i need time... need peace for once... needs rest... which i dun seem to have any.... i'll just keep them inside like wad i did....
10.13pm the rain stops, but the wind howls on
confused....anticipation....hoping things turn out fine n friendly
Saturday, September 06, 2003
ZWXH
1st time bian1 shen3 goes for meal.... haha lucky everyone quite crappy so can stick together well!! but guess got 2 different group lah... one louder than the other... but nontheless still good eating together.... spent $8.50 on dinner.... rojak everything, sour sweet spicy bitter all taste today... muahaha
ah i got new visitor by the surname of Kan. got inspiration will niao u once in a while here.....muahahaha
zhong1 zhong1 chou2 meeting tmr... needa prepare for next fri work... n tend to structure for the dedication
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sorted out somethings up my mind over the past few days... feel much more confident n clear abt life.... *pounce to the sky*
1st time bian1 shen3 goes for meal.... haha lucky everyone quite crappy so can stick together well!! but guess got 2 different group lah... one louder than the other... but nontheless still good eating together.... spent $8.50 on dinner.... rojak everything, sour sweet spicy bitter all taste today... muahaha
ah i got new visitor by the surname of Kan. got inspiration will niao u once in a while here.....muahahaha
zhong1 zhong1 chou2 meeting tmr... needa prepare for next fri work... n tend to structure for the dedication
---------------------------------------------------------
sorted out somethings up my mind over the past few days... feel much more confident n clear abt life.... *pounce to the sky*
Monday, September 01, 2003
self discovery
hmm... realised that if i have energy unleashed in my body, n not goin to exhaust it, i'll land inside depression. serious! this is another amazing discovery. then the energy is wasted on thinking of anything n everything. tt's y i'll get real silent n think too much once in a while.
n this situation is common when i'm to myself, cos energy got no where to go u c.. so when i'm left alone too long i'll land up in depression cos i think to much. yes this is a step to understanding myself better. so next time i feel trapped inside i'll go for a jog, or call up somebody to talk my energy away.
must stay away from depression as much as possible
getting very very very temporamental... sorry pple if i do scare u esp my jc frens... just on the route to greater self emotion control...
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nu ren read ur private blog which isn't private anymore.. ok i understand ur worries. promise to keep an eye on u (though i'm a lousy comforter, make pple scared only).. and make sure u're never to break down (try my best)... I promise (lu4 jiang1 style)... and thanks for including my blog in urs =)
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die... tutorial do like snail... yi bu yi bu wang shang pa... except this time downwards.... mati... but point is not in the mood leh.... i think just now energy not exhausted... after singing to the computer screen feeling better... now stuck to computer... all in all --- just dun feel like doing.... shit bei4 fa1 xian4!!!
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ZWXH
ok this week must settle my maf things... i love my maf comm really not fun lor... hope things will turn out fine next week
Next Meeting
Date: 6 Sept (sat)
Time: 9am
Venue: hui suo
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Part E
i wonder when will be next gathering.... sakae is sugoi ne!!! super earn $ cum pian tsz ho... next time we chiong something else lah... meanwhile walk c where got nice food...
dun forget to exercise pple!! though i always never do myself... shit bei4 fa1 xian4... 1 more year to ns......
yinyu finished his hell week... heard from ler zui zui... the 1 week no shit no eat no water no urine one.. so clean...
oh wonder how's kk.... must email him guys
zn stop reading pple's blog while pple can't read urs... dun think i dunno ah... haha k lah... nothing rong... just tt futh u lor.. hia hia
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wah seriously i need to tok to some fren now... but who.... argh energy trapped....... torlong....!!!!!
hmm... realised that if i have energy unleashed in my body, n not goin to exhaust it, i'll land inside depression. serious! this is another amazing discovery. then the energy is wasted on thinking of anything n everything. tt's y i'll get real silent n think too much once in a while.
n this situation is common when i'm to myself, cos energy got no where to go u c.. so when i'm left alone too long i'll land up in depression cos i think to much. yes this is a step to understanding myself better. so next time i feel trapped inside i'll go for a jog, or call up somebody to talk my energy away.
must stay away from depression as much as possible
getting very very very temporamental... sorry pple if i do scare u esp my jc frens... just on the route to greater self emotion control...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
nu ren read ur private blog which isn't private anymore.. ok i understand ur worries. promise to keep an eye on u (though i'm a lousy comforter, make pple scared only).. and make sure u're never to break down (try my best)... I promise (lu4 jiang1 style)... and thanks for including my blog in urs =)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
die... tutorial do like snail... yi bu yi bu wang shang pa... except this time downwards.... mati... but point is not in the mood leh.... i think just now energy not exhausted... after singing to the computer screen feeling better... now stuck to computer... all in all --- just dun feel like doing.... shit bei4 fa1 xian4!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ZWXH
ok this week must settle my maf things... i love my maf comm really not fun lor... hope things will turn out fine next week
Next Meeting
Date: 6 Sept (sat)
Time: 9am
Venue: hui suo
----------------------------------------------------------------
Part E
i wonder when will be next gathering.... sakae is sugoi ne!!! super earn $ cum pian tsz ho... next time we chiong something else lah... meanwhile walk c where got nice food...
dun forget to exercise pple!! though i always never do myself... shit bei4 fa1 xian4... 1 more year to ns......
yinyu finished his hell week... heard from ler zui zui... the 1 week no shit no eat no water no urine one.. so clean...
oh wonder how's kk.... must email him guys
zn stop reading pple's blog while pple can't read urs... dun think i dunno ah... haha k lah... nothing rong... just tt futh u lor.. hia hia
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wah seriously i need to tok to some fren now... but who.... argh energy trapped....... torlong....!!!!!
